By popular demand...

Okay, so this post isn't really by popular demand. It was demanded by one person, so I don't think that qualifies as popular. On the other hand, I can assure you that it was demanded. And since the person doing the demanding was none other than the Wife, I felt that I had to comply. Problem is, I had nothing to write about.

Then I was checking out my nightly list of websites and came across a wonderful little tidbit. Follow the link here. Watch the video. If you want to know why that man just got slapped by another man, read the post linked in the first sentence. Then laugh. Finally, wonder why you're taking directions from me.

Now, I enjoy the occasional bout of gambling. I enter March Madness brackets, I've even put money on a few Notre Dame games in my time (okay, one - Notre Dame v. Florida State in 2003, at FSU - which ND won to go to 8-0 on the season before things fell horribly apart against Boston College the next week (sound familiar?)), and I've been to an Indian/Native American/Rightful-owners-of-the-land casino. But that's just money. I'm not willing to bet physical harm on a sporting event. Especially a spring scrimmage that is only possible to bet on by creating wonderfully inventive gambling categories.

Some of you may be asking why I've chosen this to be my topic to respond to the Wife's demand. Well, it is because I too have a story of a man who risked physical harm while gambling. Once upon a time, on an enchanted cruise at sea, there was a man. We'll call him "The Mister." There was also a woman. We'll call her "Dragon-headed fun-sucker." "The Mister" decided to engage in a little card playing for money in the on-board casino. The first night, "The Mister" lost ($20 for those of you keeping score). The second night, "The Mister" was again losing until amazingly recovering from the brink of defeat and going up $20. At this point, "Dragon-headed fun-sucker" decided it would be a good time for "The Mister" to quit. "The Mister," not being a rational person, decided to ignore "Dragon-headed fun-sucker" in the mistaken belief that this would prevent the fun-sucking. It did not. After the angry "Dragon-headed fun-sucker" stormed out, "The Mister" lost the $20 that he was ahead, and quit at the point where he was even for the night. Bravely returning to the cabin, "The Mister" was accosted by the "Dragon-headed fun-sucker." Convinced (quickly) of how wrong he had been, "The Mister" managed to avoid physical harm by submitting to draconian restrictions on his personal liberty. To this day, his voice and free will have never again been demonstrated in public. It is only I who keep his memory alive.

Hope you enjoyed my little tale. Hopefully this satisfies the demands of the Wife. If not, I'm in trouble - I think she has the phone number of the "Dragon-headed fun-sucker" tucked away somewhere.

I'll never make that mistake again...

Readers, I apologize for the time it has taken me to get a new post together. I appreciate the comments on my last post. Sadly, however, I don't have any response to them. I agree with my sister - this blog (or its gift equivalent) would make a very poor Christmas gift. As for the Peeps, I can neither confirm nor deny that comment. Just Born, the company that manufactures the candy, makes it extremely difficult to find any useful information on their products, which probably makes sense if they do put unidentified parts of horses into their candy. Oh, and I've never had Coco Crisp (the cereal, not the dude), so I can't really comment on that except to say that it's a funny name.

So what do I have for you? Not much, except they installed cable TV at work, so I thought I would do you all a favor and describe some of the fine programming on at 3 am, since most of you probably never see this hour. Sound good? Okay. Oh, and if anything I describe sounds good to you, let me know and I'll get you the ordering information.

Channel 3 - Local access - advertising for churches apparently
Channel 4 - appears to be a repeat of this morning's "Meet the Press"
Channel 5 - Time Life's Classic Soft Rock Collection!
Channel 6 - Nothing on but a black screen
Channel 7 - "Meet the Press" again
Channel 8 - The Bowflex TreadClimber
Channel 9 - This is just weird. Christian heavy metal music. Frankly, I'm a little scared.
Channel 10 - ABC news
Channel 11 - Showtime at the Apollo
Channel 12 - CBS news
Channel 13 - Columbia government access. Anyone want to take Continuing Crochet classes at the ARC with me?
Channel 14 - some old movie
Channel 16 - Educational Access - Positive Behavior something or other is on now
Channel 17 - Shop NBC. Buy an ugly necklace for only $400!
Channel 18 - CSPAN2. This is unwatchable during daylight hours.
Channel 19 - PBS - they're showing some 1930s movie with a fat guy and rain
Channel 20 - The SUPREME PILATES system! Only $14.95 for a 30 day trial.
Channel 21 - Soul Train. Who knew this was still on?
Channel 22 - TBS is showing "Desperado"
Channel 23 - Local weather channel
Channel 24 - TV Guide. Showing me how little is on right now.
Channel 25 - SMC! Work for yourself! Make tons of money! Never know how...
Channel 26 - Home Shopping Network. It's coin collecting time.
Channel 27 - QVC. Windchimes are for sale now.
Channel 28 - The Tube. I think it's music videos.
Channel 29 - ESPN. Sportscenter. What else do they ever show?
Channel 30 - Kevin Trudeau is telling me about the Weight Loss "Cure" "they" don't want me to know about
Channel 31 - ESPN2
Channel 32 - CNN
Channel 33 - Fox News
Channel 34 - MSNBC
Channel 35 - CNBC
Channel 36 - The Oreck XL air purifier. Now removes harmful chemicals!
Channel 37 - The NordicTrack Space Saver Elliptical
Channel 38 - TNT is showing "Running Man"
Channel 39 - The WE channel. They're doing something on cheerleaders.
Channel 40 - It's in Spanish, so I have no idea what is going on
Channel 41 - The history of the Dow Jones market
Channel 42 - Dermacia. It appears to be some sort of make-up. Oooh....It's free for 30 days!
Channel 43 - Headline News
Channel 44 - Gunsmoke
Channel 45 - SMC again. And I still have no idea how I'm supposed to make money.
Channel 46 - GO SMILE. A teeth whitening thing that puts some kind of goo on your teeth.
Channel 47 - Cartoons
Channel 48 - "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" Still funny!
Channel 49 - Ugliest Dog competition
Channel 50 - The Six Week Body Makeover. REAL People. REAL Stories. Reprogram your metabolism! Pay us money to do something you could easily do yourself! Fun!
Channel 51 - How to work part time and make more money than at your full time job.
Channel 52 - 7DMC - Heal all your ailments (including cancer!) with the 7 Day Miracle Cleanse!
Channel 53 - The no money down real estate program. A classic of late night TV.
Channel 54 - Girls Gone Wild
Channel 55 - Once again, I could be working part time and making more money than by working full time. Wow. I must be dumb if I'm not already doing this.
Channel 56 - If I call and give this guy some money, he'll pray for me and I'll be rich. Not spiritually rich, mind you, but physically rich.
Channel 57 - MTV
Channel 58 - VH1
Channel 59 - Paula White. Another person who promises to get God to make me rich if I first make her rich. Why do I get the feeling that only one of us is going to end up with any money?
Channel 60 - Extenze - make certain male parts bigger while your wallet gets smaller.
Channel 61 - AMC - some movie that no one has ever heard of.
Channel 62 - Real Estate for pennies on the dollar.
Channel 63 - The Weather Channel
Channel 64 - Disney
Channel 65 - CSPAN. Much like CSPAN2, I can't bring myself to watch this during the day, much less when I have to work to stay awake.
Channel 66 - Man, this work part-time to make more than you make at your full-time job is really popular! Third channel showing this - so it must be legit.
Channel 67 - SCI-FI
Channel 68 - Bravo - some reality show about personal trainers
Channel 69 - Health News Network - Buy the Dual Action Cleanse! Poop your way to health!
Channel 70 - EWTN - the Global Catholic Network.
Channel 71 - Joint Relief Formula. Miracle drug for getting rid of joint pain!
Channel 97 - Jewelry Television - buy some ugly jewelry from the comfort of your home.

Well, folks that's all that's on at 3 am (well, actually between 3 and 4 because it took me awhile to cycle through all of those channels). There's some good stuff out there. There's also a lot of junk. And, unfortunately, that's an hour of my life that I'll never get back. I hope you enjoy it.

It's a little like Christmas...

Okay, so it's really nothing like Christmas. There's no gifts to unwrap, no little baby saviour to celebrate, and it's a heck of a lot warmer. But it is a glorious day - the first day of the new baseball season. And, like a little kid at Christmas, my expectations are sky high. Which is ridiculous given how sky high my expectations have been for my beloved Cubbies every year since I first started following them. It would probably be easier if I just realized, like that depressed kid that everyone knows, that I'm not going to get a pony for Christmas or a World Series title for my Cubs. Nevertheless, I still hope.

Speaking of hope, I hope that I can count on comments from you, my loyal readers. I notice that it has been a while since I've heard from you. How can I deliver effectively targeted misinformation/humor without a sense of what it is that you like or don't like? Besides, this blog and the comments that you leave are the only form of communication I have with many of you. Don't make me go through the extra effort of calling you. Of course, I also haven't gotten any good random comments in some time, which is rather disappointing. The Wife has managed to accomplish this feat with her latest post, but I seem to be coming up rather short. So I'm going to try to work random topics into each post from now on to encourage random comments from people I've never heard of. Hence the repeated references to Christmas. Next post: Easter. Easter bunnies. Easter candy. All things Easter. And maybe a little Halloween.