Excuses, Excuses...

Dear readers, I must apologize. It's been far too long without a blog post from your faithful author. I have a good reason, though, really. It involves a squirrel, some peanut butter, a little duct tape... Well, on second thought, I don't have a good reason for my absence. Really, I think it has a lot to do with a lack of suitable material to write about. That and the fact that I haven't been at work everyday for the last week. It's amazing how unmotivated to write on here one can become when one is not trying to waste time at 3am.

But, lucky for you (and most decidedly unluckily for me), I am trying to waste time tonight, so you get a new blog post to warm your hearts and minds. Unfortunately, I've got writer's block. Now, I've trolled the internet looking for something to inspire me (without getting me fired if it shows up in a history list), and I must say, there's not really all that much out there. Granted, I spent most of my night looking at any college football news I could get my hands on trying to figure out where Notre Dame would be in the BCS tomorrow (my guess: 5th), but I also spent a good deal of time looking at the hometown newspapers of those teams that had been in front of ND but lost today. Because, frankly, there is nothing more enjoyable than reveling in the misery of those whose sorrow directly leads to joy for you. I imagine that if it had been possible to get one's hands on Nazi newspapers as the Allies were advancing across France it would have been something similar. And given the local biases that exist in some of the papers I saw, I can't help but wonder if the Nazis would have been more truthful (Editor's note: I in no way support or condone the Nazi war machine. I am merely attempting to illustrate the eerie parallels between Nazi propagandists and college football pundits spouting off about Florida or USC).

Of course, the real fun begins when one ventures into the seedy underworld of college football that is fan blogs and message boards. At least journalists, Nazi-esque or not, are professionals with some semblance of decency and the occasional pang of conscience that reminds them that there are 118 other teams in Division I football, some of which are surely deserving a slight mention for some reason (most of the Florida schools are willing to do their part by stocking their rosters full of convicted, or soon to be convicted, criminals). Now, I can't begrudge anyone loyalty to their school. I can name at least two people (the Wife and I) who have attended another institution of higher learning for over two years now and have yet to purchase a single item bearing the name or logo of our present school (although we have accepted a few freebies because of our reluctance to turn down anything offered us in our state of grad-school induced poverty). What I can, and will, find fault with are those individuals who let their loyalty reach such unprecedented levels that they can't even acknowledge the merits of another school. This usually descends to depths that polite society would frown upon, possibly even criminalize, all expressed in an odd mixture of extremely graphic language and taunting at somewhere around the third grade level. And I guess that that's my biggest problem with these people. For some reason extremely intelligent people when pressed into service defending their team end up looking like first graders that grew up around 87 drunken merchant sailors in a Thai whorehouse. Sure, sure, we're not here to argue about the academic merits of the schools in question, but why can't we just have a reasoned, coherent debate without getting your mother's sexual orientation and escapades involved. Because, really, if it comes down to that, we all know your mom's dirtier. Don't make me come up with the jokes to prove it.

Well, loyal readers, I apologize for making you wait so long for a new post and then subjecting you to a barely coherent rant about a subject you probably care little about. I'll try to come up with something better for tomorrow night. But until then, keep your arguments above the third grade level, or else you're a communist.