From the PR Department...

To whom it may concern:

After careful review, The Mister, Inc., has concluded that the delay in posting has been due to severe mismanagement and a wanton disregard for proper workplace procedure on the part of several low-level employees. The following changes will be implemented between now and the end of the 2008 fiscal year (May 23):

1. The following people have been sacked: Director of Research and Development, The Mister; Head of Product Testing, The Mister; Fourth Taster, The Mister; Reserve Lead Thinker, The Mister; First Article Drafter, The Mister; Second Article Drafter, The Mister; Senior Telephone Operator, The Mister; Fourth Oarsman, The Mister; Sommelier, The Mister.
2. The following departments have been eliminated and the personnel reassigned: Strategic Operations; Legal; Finance; Auditing; Food Service; Facilities Management; Human Resources.
3. On the advice of outside legal counsel, The Wife, LLP, The Mister, Inc. will no longer make promises regarding frequency of product output in the final quarter of the fiscal year.
4. Human Resources will implement an immediate hiring freeze, and then cease operations
   
5. Operations at The Mister's satellite office in Lawrence, KS will be suspended effective May 14
6. The dividend for the upcoming fiscal year has been cut. The depth of the cut will be announced at a later news conference.
7. Quality control remains an issue. Steps are being taken to ensure the level of output is up to the lofty standards expected of it.
8. Customer Service is in the process of being outsourced to one of the many economic deadzones in nearby Kansas and Oklahoma
9. The Mister, Inc. is conducting a review of the financial wisdom of wasting resources upon pointlessly long lists
10. The Mister, Inc. will conduct a search for a new marketing plan to upgrade the brand's image. It is hoped that a new, dynamic marketing campaign will reassure consumers about the brand's long-term appeal.

Obviously, the well-being of our loyal consumers is of the utmost importance to us here at The Mister. It is with this in mind that The Mister, Inc., is happy to announce criminal proceedings have been initiated against ousted CEO The Mister for embezzlement of company funds. Many will recall the scandalous details of Mr. Mister's misuse of company funds for personal gain, including, but not limited to, purchase of an original Action Jackson screenplay. Newly appointed CEO The Mister has pledged to restore the integrity of the office as soon as possible.

For our loyal consumers, we deeply regret the events that have led to a lack of new products recently. Faced with internal mismanagement and rising commodity prices, our production pipeline is running well below capacity through the end of the fiscal year. However, new CEO The Mister confidently predicts that there will be new product ready to roll at the start of the next fiscal year. Here are some of the projects we're working on for you: Does watching local TV news actually make one stupider, or does it just feel that way? In a comparison of the Dark Ages and the Kansas school system, which actually produces more knowledge? Is it possible to liberate good Canadians from their oppressors using only an army of three men armed with pitchforks? We thank you for your patience and look forward to your continued business with The Mister, Inc.

Sincerely,
The Management